Playing Outside in Riyadh

The Saudi women I know with growing children would love to have space to say to the kids, with a hand-on-motherly-hip, 'Go outside and play! You're getting on my wick today!' But in Riyadh, only the rich have homes with land around which a child can run and play. And even then, most of the year, day or night, it's too darned hot to be running around outdoors.

So an energetic six year old boy gets to boot his football in the apartment (most of the women I know live in apartments) until told off for knocking photo's off the wall and vases off the coffee tables or just missing someone's head as the football rebounds around the room, from wall to wall.

His energy is then directed to the area in the house set up with swings or slides in lieu of an outdoor park, (usually one of the bedrooms unless the home is large enough for a games room), where said six year old begins hassling his siblings or attempting to destroy the thick plastic slide, much too young for him now, set up in a corner of a room.  The siblings naturally start screaming and crying (hassled siblings the world over do that, after all!).  Mother shakes her head, utters words in Arabic that I presume go along the lines of "Wait till your father gets home", picks up the youngest crying child to pacify him and shuts the salon door for a moments peace, and only a moment, as seconds later the door bursts open as Rambunctious One is looking for attention and some way to use that pent up energy!  With very little in the way of space available in the home for physical activity, being annoying becomes flavour of the day.

There is hardly an expat who isn't guilty of making negative comments about Saudi parenting skills (or what seems to be the lack thereof), but once you understand the trials, you can more appreciate the situation.  What would you do with a six year old boy looking for action in a two or three bedroom apartment, with outdoor temps too hot for after school play almost every day?

Certainly I remember organizing games for my own three kids on those days when they needed adult involvement in their recreation and where playing quietly on their own just wasn't going to happen.  But I also had the great outdoors to turf the kids into when they tired of organized games.  Most of the middle class Saudi villas I've been into only have a footpath circling the house where the kids can be sent to ride their bikes, which is great until growing boys reach that age when they need more space!  And though boys in particular need a way to test their mettle against other boys, young girls also like to run and ride about, and boot a football too, so when the sun is beating down outdoors, quite often the dining room and table turn into an impromptu scooter or roller skating velodrome.  Raucous bedlam, of course, prevails.

It's not unusual for cousins to come visit, which simply means more pent up youngsters racing around the house and as the kids get older, the rough and tumble gets more boisterous and nicely selected furniture takes a hammering being used as a trampoline, escape route, wrestling mat or jungle gym - depending on the game in progress!

There are times I feel sorry for the kids in Saudi. I feel even more for their mothers who have no idea how to deal with the rambunctiousness of growing energetic children stuck indoors. If a live-in-maid is present, I feel sorry for her too because, once mum gets fed up with squawking kids, guess who gets the job of quieting them?  Of course, ignoring the maid seems to be a common theme in every home I've been in as, just moments after being handed off to a maid, the kids are back!

Taking the children to the green park down the road so they can burn off excess energy is generally not done by Saudi women on their own, I've noted, even when the temps are cool enough.  They either wait for Dad to come home so they can go as a family or plan a group visit with their sisters who, I gather, are all having 'Energetic Child Causing Havoc' issues.  Football in the street is not as common as one would think in this soccer mad part of the world either, not in Riyadh central anyways, and I can only presume the traffic is blamed for that.  Though football fields are dotted about the city, they are generally only for males so, once again, the energetic son must wait for his father to come home and be in the mood to take him off mums hands, while the energetic girl has to hope Dad's in a frame of mind to take them both to a park so she can get some air about her, too.

Venues like Gymbaroo and My Gym are opening up in Riyadh to give very young kids somewhere to expend physical energy, but they cost money to use that not all families have and they require transportation, not something every woman has at her beck and call, either.  Localiser Mall has a Kids In Motion Gym providing exer-gaming (a combination of exercise and games) for kids from 6 to 13 years of age.  It's an awesome place with a rock climbing wall, ball handling center and separate area for dancer-size type activities.  But again cost and transportation can prove an issue.

The Saudi mothers I know look forward to the weekends because often it means the kids will be taken to the family farm where they can run and play about outdoors with all their cousins.  If the husband decides to take the kids to his family's farm for the evening, if not the entire weekend, the mothers are over the moon!  Peace and quiet reign in their otherwise hectic space.  Child free coffee with the girls sounds like bliss!  



Ka Kite,
Kiwi

Singing Our Thanks To Saudi Women

After being invited to share an evening with a local family, my daughter and I ended up singing our thanks to  Saudi women.

Singing for your supper Kiwi? Why is that?

Because, I was very aware we had no way of repaying these wonderful Saudi women for their hospitality.  We can’t invite them back to our home - they aren’t permitted on expat compounds unless they uncover, and they aren't about to do that.  What to do Pounamu?

I decided to do what comes naturally for we native folk from New Zealand.  A waiata was in order.  After explaining to my friend what we wanted to do and why, who then got permission from the grandmothers present, we were given the floor and we sang a Maori song.  At the time it didn’t even occur to me that music and singing is religiously banned in Saudi Arabia.

In hindsight, and given recent articles and discussions on music in this country, I do wonder were we insulting these Muslim women by exercising our own traditional custom in this situation.

Music is part of my culture and who I am….I was doing what felt right. By stating categorically that music is banned, does Islam in Saudi Arabia not respect or have room for anyone or anything but their own?  Were we, by raising our voices in native song and singing our thanks for these Saudi women, little more than wicked infidels?

From the response we received, I have my doubts.  The grandmothers and aunties loved the waiata.  I’m guessing, they remember a time when life was a little less repressed in Saudi Arabia, which, I understand, wasn’t that long ago.  They dug out some traditional instruments, drums mainly, and started singing what I gathered were traditional Saudi songs.

They were encouraging the younger women to sing too.  Though I don’t understand Arabic I recognize a chorus when I hear one and the younger generation pitched in for a few of those refrains but, and you don’t have to be a brain surgeon to figure this out, it’s hard for your daughters and grand-daughters to learn songs in their totality if they rarely hear them because of an imposed religious ruling that bans music and, I’m presuming, the nervousness attached with being caught flouting that rule.

On this particular night though, the elder women were letting their hair down, just a bit, and they were having so much fun.  It pays to remember life in Saudi Arabia isn't all bad.

There is a glimmer of hope that constraints on expressing oneself through toe tapping tunes, soulful ballads or gentle lullabies may be lightened, as a former Saudi Imam did something unimaginable recently – he researched the basis for current ‘No Music’ rulings and came to the conclusion they were unfounded.  Follow this link if you’d like to read about him Changing his Tune.

Of course, as is the norm, he was blasted for his stance.  I wonder what upset the critics most - that he dared firstly, to undertake research or that he had the nerve to admit his previous stand may have been wrong based on that research or for going public with what he found.  Most normal people would consider such a man in a positive light, wouldn’t they?  A man of integrity, honesty and good moral character.

How’s this for a suggestion that would allow scholars to reassess and reverse the ‘No Music’ rule without losing face.  There is a stack of scientific evidence that music enhances intelligence and has other positive effects on human health.  Perhaps scholars could, after perusing this evidence and being happy with its validity, (because I’m sure no scholar goes public or supports anything without having fully researched it first) can say something along the lines of ‘Music’s ability to enhance intelligence and, therefore, the capacity for learning will assist a person’s [Muslims] potential for studying, understanding and applying the Quran.  For that reason music of moral high standards, (meaning it must not through its lyrics lead to sinful acts, an opinion espoused by some scholars already) is allowable.’

I see this as a win-win action. Why?

You would think any resource that assists youth to take on board the messages in the Quran must be welcomed with open arms by scholars and clergy (is that the right word for Saudi religious leaders?).  Academic success is highly valued amongst Saudi parents and if music is going to enhance their child's educational outcomes I'm sure they will be very keen to have it incorporated into the curriculum.  And I’m certain there are musical artists in Saudi Arabia (singers, songwriters and musicians) just itching for a chance to work on and present their craft.  Not to mention the employment generated for Saudization - someone has to run the recording studios.  Yes, a win-win situation all round.

How successful are scholars or religious types going to be in continuing to try and muzzle music?

Saudi’s,  particularly the young generation, watch music shows via satellite and the majority have iPods or similar audio devices (thank goodness for the all-covering abaya and head scarf to hide those bits and pieces). There’s even a not so underground group of Saudi musicians and bands that 'do their thing' at private parties and over the internet.  Stories abound of the latest musical hits reverberating through function centers while women dance in their expensive finery till the wee small hours at weddings and, being a country that loves weddings, there are plenty to go to.

Yes, the religious rule might be saying one thing, but the will of the new generation is practicing another.

I know, because a large part of the evening prior to singing our thanks to Saudi women was spent dancing to the latest Arabic music downloaded from the internet, and the young ladies knew all the words to those songs.

Kiwi, from Kaeo and Family Gatherings.

Saudi's are very curious about westerners and they tend to put me into that bracket when they meet me.  But in my mind, I'm Maori, not a westerner which any native Kiwi can tell you means we have some distinct and other subtle differences in how we approach life.  One of the common activities we share with Saudi though is whanau hui - family gatherings.

While Kiri was here my Saudi friends were very keen to meet her and they went to considerable trouble each time we were invited over.  One occasion was actually a get together put on especially for her after she asked R how Saudi girls dance. R's response was to invite us to a family party at the farm of one of her husband’s brothers.

We met lots of her rellies, we swam in the pool, ate an awesome meal, had a chin wag (most of them could speak very good English), and then they turned up the Arabic music and taught us, at least attempted to teach us, Arabic dancing. It was a great evening and they are wonderful people.

"I did have a DVD of us attempting to dance that was going to go in here but..... 

can't find it."

Hubby had traveled down to their farm with us. He spent the evening doing guy things in the guy area – which was mostly watch the Football World Cup semi and talk. Not nearly as much fun as we were having.

I did ask Kiri what it felt like to travel an hour or so each way sitting next to R in all her gear, ie abaya and niqab.  Kiri wasn’t fazed. (Obviously lots of her mother’s gene pool there).

Last week I received an invite to the family home of N, that is to her parents place, to spend the evening at their usual weekly family gathering. I consider that a bit of a privilege. It was also a really nice evening.  On that occasion I met N’s father.  He was very nice and after spending a bit of time in the lounge with us, he headed off to the men’s part of the house and we never saw an adult male again for the rest of the evening.

It seems, from my observations, which could be flawed because powers of observation are not my particular skill, that all Saudi families have one day a week when everyone comes together. Well, as together as you can get in Saudi what with the no-mixing rules.

Anyway, it’s kind of like the weekly Sunday roast we used to have with our kids – something we learnt from MaD (a.k.a. Mum and Dad) and their Sunday roasts, though Mum’s roast is much more delish.... There’s nothing like mum’s crunchy-as pork roast crackling, mums tasty homemade gravy, mum’s ‘is there any more’ creamed paua and mum’s totally scrumptious hot apple pie with real cream poured over the top..... mmmmm.

Mum and Dad ....a.k.a. MaD

Where was I? Family get togethers....

N, along with her brothers, sisters and their spouses, spends Tuesday evening at her parents place. All the kids, as well as the maids to look after the kids, are brought along too. The women talk, the kids run around, everyone eventually has dinner. A few hours later, they go on their merry way.

On Thursday afternoon, N travels an hour out of town to her husband’s whanau get together.  My other Saudi friends have this same routine, though on different days, with their families and in-laws.

This regular staying in touch provides at least two days in the week where the women have something to do. It also means Saudi’s maintain very close family ties. I’m guessing this is the basis for the rumour that it is very hard for Expats to get to know Saudis or more precisely, to break into their family circle. Though, I haven’t had much trouble, soooo....not sure where that came from. Maybe the women are more open than the men.

The Husband did mention to one of his Saudi colleagues that other expats find it hard to get to know his fellow countrymen and women. He was surprised at that. As he said, we are very welcoming and hospitable which, so far, I've found to be true.

The other day I spoke to a Canadian friend and he mentioned that he and his wife knew a few Arabs, but they weren’t true Saudi’s....meaning their origins were from Syria and other such places. He asked how it was I met Saudis. I said it’s easy....Start by saying hello.....works wonders.  I've found that the Saudi’s are more than happy to talk, but they will rarely take the initiative and start a conversation with a stranger.  So, hello usually gets a response.

I have been asked many times by expat women, ‘What are Saudi ladies like at home’. I’m not really sure what they expect to hear...The women I know talk, they laugh, they cook, they get hoha at the kids, they wear normal clothes, they have dreams and goals, they have budgets to live within, lives to lead, homes to organize  husbands to manage (manage??? – Maybe I've been married to long). Some study, some work. They are very friendly, very hospitable and, to date, the ladies I know, love company and having fun.  

They are also quite interested in us western folk.  As Hubby says, we are as intriguing to them as they are to us.  It has crossed my mind that if Saudi’s want to get to know a ‘real western woman’ they are slightly short changed with me. It’s funny but I don’t consider myself ‘western’. I’m a Kiwi native. From Kaeo.

What To Expect When Visiting Saudi Homes

Expats who are fortunate enough to get an invite to a Saudi home, because not all of them do, are not sure what to expect.   Life here is so different to back home and rumurs are rife about what Saudi's are like.  This post outlines what I have come across on my first visits to the homes of Saudi friends.  It may not be exactly the same for each home and I am by no means and expert on Saudi home visit etiquette, plus most of my friends are from the middle classes (upper class is something else again), but it gives you a bit of an idea how things go from a female perspective.

• Automatic opening door -Saudi women should not be seen in public unless covered. The women I have met do not cover in their own homes (I'm presuming this is the case for all Saudi women at home).  So, when I visit my Saudi friends they stand behind behind the door and the door opens apparently on its own.  The first time this happened it took me a second or two of contemplation 'What should I do?'  'No point standing out here'.  I walked in.  My host greeted me once inside.


• Send out the child - for my first visit to another Saudi home I called from my mobile to say 'I think I'm in the right street'.  Her brother had drawn a map.  Glenn can vouch that maps and I are a combination that usually, though not on this occasion, results in 'LOST'.   On this day, my friend sent her young son to the gate so I could see exactly which house to go to.


• Shake hands while kissing on the cheek - usually 3 kisses - 1 on one cheek, 2 on the other.
  
  I actually get a bit confused about this - how many kisses, which cheek first.  Apparently, so I've read on the net, Arabs from different regions have different protocols depending on situaton.  Situation examples being - Is this a first visit, are you a good friend, are you a relative, how close a relative and so on.  One day I'm going to ask exactly what is what because, as any person with half a brain knows, and I've spent lots of time meditating to improve my brain capacity so there must be grey matter in abundance, what you read in cyber space and fact can be two vastly different things.  For now I reckon it's best just to hang my cheek in the vicinity of a possible kiss, or three, so if they come cool, if not no worries.
  
  The hand shake is not your firm kind either.  Very soft and gentle which, from a western perspective, is more akin to floppy.  It can feel a bit weird at first.  The other day I met an Aussie bloke who obviously hails from the 'If I can hurt them I'm a shit hot fella' line of thinking.  Won't be shakin' his hand again that's for sure.  Dick wad!

• Greeted by my host. I am welcomed and then queried about my health and the health of my family.
  
  Apparently it's good form to be interested in each others well being, which is no different from any other culture. I've heard that Saudi etiquette expects you and your host to spend quite a bit of time asking after each others health and that of the spouse, the kids, your parents, any other immediate whanau, the in-laws, other relatives and on and on.  Being half way intelligent (as per paragraph above), I expect discussion that detailed is appropriate if you actually know the family (I could be wrong).
  
  I also freely admit that I gleaned this info from a guy (a.k.a male species), and an expat guy at that......Hmmmm - does that make it highly questionable info, especially in this country where it seems a great deal of effort is put into the sexes knowing as little about each other as possible.  Maybe he meant that's what the guys do??? Suffice to say, I have never gotten quite that carried away at my house visits.  Asking after her health, the hubby and the kids is usually as far as I get when I'm visiting.

 

• Take off my abaya (yay freedom!) It usually gets hung up somewhere, though one of my friends has got past the "May I take your abaya" stage and I often just drape it over a chair.
  
• A seat is offered, sometimes on a couch other times on the floor.
  
  Most homes have two rooms for receiving guests. One is a lounge similar to any western lounge with comfy sofas and armchairs. The other is a more traditional arrangement with ground level Arabic mats. Both are fine with me though those with gammy knees may find getting to the ground a little difficult.
  
• Soon after arriving Arabic coffee and dates is brought out. Enjoy this with chit chat.
  
  Arabic coffee is not cafe latte' but I've got used to it and quite enjoy it. One day I'll even try making it myself. Glenn would like to buy a qawah (coffee) set before we go home. He considers it something authentically arabic. Another arabic practice I figured out is if I empty my cup, they fill it. Same goes for food. So, when I've had enough it pays to leave a little in the cup or on the plate.

• Next up tea (shay).
  
  The tea is usually served black and sweet in those cute Arabian tea cups.  Sometimes they may have a pot of mint tea made up or they will simply have some mint leaves on a plate that you can add to the black tea yourself.  Occasionally they may also offer a ginger tea which, as well as being quite gingery, is also very sweet. I like it but those averse to sugar may not.
  
  Conversation carries on throughout this process and along with the tea comes more food - cakes, biscuits, chocolate - that kind of thing.  I have learned not to eat before visiting Saudi homes, they are very hospitable and there's always something
  

• Meal - Most visits end up with a meal of some description. Sometimes it's full blown dinner, other times a sandwich.
  
  To date casual meals have usually been eaten on the floor. A plastic covering is put down to protect the carpet (this is protocol, not because they know I drop food). I've eaten without cutlery (not that easy, I should practice more) and with cutlery, it just depends who I'm visiting, how long I've know them and what is on the menu.
  
  Full blown meals have been eaten at a table. The hostess who offers me invitations to join her family for lunch is older and loves to serve simple yet traditional meals.  Her daughters are charged with seeing to the guest (me), so my plate is one of those dished up first.  The children get their meals and the hostess is then happy to have her plate filled.  The daughters then get their meals and all adults sit down to eat at the table while the children have an area outside the dining room set aside for them to eat watched over by the maids.
  
  After the meal the bathroom is offered to wash hands and clean up. So far, every house I've been to has a separate guest bathroom. Then we move back to the lounge for even more chit chat.
  
• Saying goodbye.
  
  For most visits I usually have my driver come back to get me after two hours otherwise it can be hard to decide when to leave as Saudi's will stay hosting you as long as you choose to stay.   If other people are also visiting then some will take their leave soon after the main meal.  It is not common for guests to stick around for too long after the meal is done, unless you know the family well. 

I've gotten into the habit of taking something with me on these visits, either home baking or nice chocolates largely because I know I can't invite these women to my home to return their hospitality. Saudi's are not permitted on our compound unless the women are prepared to remove their abaya and niqab and men are not permitted in thobes.

Almond and coconut cake. 

(This is here purely to put pictures on this blog, I didn't actually make it)

There are numerous books you can buy on Amazon about culture in Saudi.   When Hubster first move here he was given this book: Don't They Know It's Friday, which was fine for him with its focus on the culture of business in Saudi Arabia.  For a more complete view of Saudi culture and etiquette then this book, Culture and Customs of Saudi Arabia (Cultures and Customs of the World), reviewed in the Saudi Aramco World magazine some years back, is worth a read.

As you can see, visiting Saudi women is actually no different from visiting friends back home, except for the language barrier (which is rapidly reducing mostly because they are very fast learners) and a few cultural differences (which aren't going to change just because I'm in town). We talk, we eat, we laugh and we enjoy each others company.  No, not much difference at all when visiting Saudi homes.

Ka Kite,
Kiwi

Invited to a Saudi Home

If you'd told me a year ago that I would be invited to a Saudi home to meet new Saudi friends I wouldn't have believed you.  Three weeks after arriving in Riyadh I was getting cabin fever -  it was time to get out and about meeting a few more people and finding new friends.

Glenn took my need for company to heart.  He bounced off to work one day and mid-morning he rang me.  Prior to my arrival, his Saudi work colleague, AA, had offered for me to meet his wife.  She was learning English and wanted conversation practice.  Given that since arriving I had started learning Arabic courtesy of Noor, our taxi driver, and 'Arabic For Dummies' it only seemed right that his wife and I should get together for some language exchange.  That is why Glenn had been so bouncy.  He was keen to put this plan into action.

I admit that his suggestion about meeting a Saudi wahine (Maori word for woman) for conversation made me a little nervous initially.  But, being Aquarian, my nerves were quickly calmed by the fact that this could be an interesting day.

How to improve your Arabic? Talk to bananas!

Date was set and respective husbands passed on respective wives' phone numbers.  They were interested to see how this visit would go because they knew we were both beginner level language learners.   Glenn was totally impressed with the fact that my Arabic consisted largely of  'Hello, How are you, It's nice to meet you, What's your name and I'd like to eat'.  That should keep us chatting all morning.  

AA had told Glenn his wife only knew a few English words.  So few, in fact, he wasn't sure if we'd be able to communicate.   He had suggested a back up plan though - their Egyptian neighbour spoke English.  If things got too difficult we would go and get her.

The morning of my visit I sent Glenn to work with strict instructions to find out what I should wear. I  mean, what do you wear on your first visit to a Saudi home? 

Being a procrastinator allows one to put off worrying about things till the very last minute.  So as well as wondering what to wear this particular morning, a few other thoughts were crossing my mind:

• What protocols would I be expected to follow?
  (I figured there would be some, every culture has them.  Perhaps I should have asked around.)
• Should I take a gift?
  (Bugger, wish I'd brought some greenstone gifts with me.  Bit late to be thinking of that now Gae!)
• Who else would be there? 
  (I'd heard Saudi families pretty much stick together.  This could be a whanau affair.)
• What would their place be like?  Why does this matter?  Because the houses in our local vicinity are huge and perusing shops on the main shopping strips gives the impression that Saudi homes are decked out with rather expensive, large, lush furnishings.  I can't eat at home without dropping food everywhere, just imagine what I would do to OTT furnishings!

But mostly, my immediate concern was 'what to wear?'   On my reconnaissance to Riyadh in August I had been told, by other Westerners, that Saudi women dress beautifully in their own homes. Right now, this seemed both reasonable and problematic.  Reasonable because the malls are loaded with the latest fashion labels and trends.  Problematic because I don't own anything beautiful or fashionable.  Coming to a place renowned for its heat I packed mostly shorts and T-shirts.  Meeting Saudi's and visiting their homes had not been on my list of things to do.  Why not??  Recon conversations with expats regarding Saudi and western socializing suggested getting an invite to a Saudi home was so rare it might as well be impossible. 

What a load of nonsense that turned out to be!

Glenn called -
"He laughed and said wear whatever you want".
"Didn't you find out anything Glenn"
"Gae, I told you what he said.  You'll be fine"

Not particularly helpful - aren't men so painful on important topics like this!   Don't they understand it's not easy to make new friends if their first impression of you isn't favorable.  What to wear is important!

OK,  I'll have to resort to female intelligence - should've done that in the first place.  This is a Muslim country.  Modest clothing is recommended.  I fished out the only long sleeved summer blouse I own (truly, only 1) and a pair of trousers - not jeans, I figured that would be too informal for a first visit.

Taxi arrived and off I went.

This young Saudi couple live in an apartment block (no large house) in a new area outside the central city. Their apartment could belong to any one of my own children.  It isn't huge.  It's not decked out in enormous over the top furniture.  Apart from her baby girl, there was only her and I.  And she was wearing a knee length denim skirt and floral top - very casual.

I had my Arabic dictionary, she had her English one though she didn't really need it.  Her English was sufficient that we figured out, with hand signs, drawings and a lot of laughing, what we were trying to say.  My Arabic, on the other hand, ran out of usefulness fairly early in the visit.

Two hours after arriving I was just thinking about heading home when I was asked, "Would you like meet my family?"
"Really, when?"
"Now" she said, "in the family farm"

Running through my mind was the 'Saudi's only hang out with their own families, they stick to themselves' conversations I'd had on the compounds.
"Are you sure you want me to meet your family?"
"Yes"

"OK, I would like that, thank you".
What a Buzz.  Making new friends was proving to be a very good idea.

Forty minutes later I was carrying the baby out to a waiting 4WD with 3 women and a couple of their children already inside. All the ladies were in full niqab gear.  Only the driver was in the front seat, we all squeezed in the back seats.  (Females cannot sit in front with the drivers if they aren't related to them.)

About an hour after climbing into the vehicle it occurred to me that I was being driven off to a place in the desert I didn't know the name of, with people I'd only just met, whose English was limited and, what's more, I couldn't even see their faces.  Buzz is settling - now I'm thinking I must be mad!

The farm was about an hour and a half's drive out of the city.  We pulled up outside a fenced area, unloaded and headed into the guest house.  The guest house is a tent - picture Arabian Knights - big colorful Arabian tents, large cushions and magic flying carpets - that's the guest house. (The carpets don't really fly) .  Once in the tent all abayas and niqabs came off.  I was introduced to Mum, Dad and another sister and children.  I think allowances were being made for the fact I was western.  My understanding of Saudi etiquette is that a Saudi man would never see the face of another mans wife, but I'm a newbie - don't quote me. 

The tent was hot, so all carpets and cushions were uplifted and carried out to the shade of one of the buildings - much cooler. Then came the Arabic coffee and dates and chit chat. Followed soon after by tea and sweets and more talk - dismal Arabic does not keep you up with the conversation at this point. Then lunch came out.  Rice and chicken, salad and a milky desert.

After this we moved into the ladies building to relax and chill out. The younger girls bought out cards and we played a game that taught me colors.  Everyone just seemed to really open up in this room.  Lots of questions, trying to figure out words, laughing.   They laughed at and appreciated my attempts at Arabic (my dictionary got a workout).   I loved hearing them talk...trying to catch words and learning pronunciation.

The day was cooling off so next up was a tour of the farm.  It's a date farm.  How the palms survive is beyond me, even with irrigation it's so dry in the desert!  The farm buildings are relocatable - one for ladies and, behind a screen fence, one for the men - I got shown that too, it's exactly like the ladies one. There was also a kitchen shed and a few work sheds.   Two maids helped out in the kitchen and with the kids.

After the tour we moved the carpets behind the screen fence to sit outside the men's building (it was quite pleasant in the shade of the building and I think this whanau prefer the outdoors to the indoors.) My friends husband was due to arrive and he was not to see the other women, hence the need to move behind the screen.

Salah, prayer time, came up three times during my visit. The women took turns to use the prayer mat and shawl. They prayed right next to where we sat. The first time I tried not to watch...that's rude. By the end of my visit I hardly noticed. Funny how you can get used to things.

I also met my friends older brother (I'm presuming this is another allowance they made).  He'd driven out from the city and came out back to spend some time with his sisters, his wife and his mother before having to entertain his brother-in-law in the tent.
 
Prior to dinner was more Arabic coffee, followed by tea and sweets. As one of the girls said, 'it looks  we eat and drink coffee all day'.  Dad cooked some meat on a fire Bar-B (wire grill set over flames ) and I sat with the girls and ate my dinner while the men entertained their 'guest'.  It's funny to think that your daughter's husband is a guest.  Given that he's not allowed to mix with the rest of the family (ie the ladies) unless they are covered up I guess he will always be treated as such - one of the many cultural differences I don't question  (much), just acknowledge.

Around 10 p.m. it was time to go. It was a great day, very tiring.  My view of Saudi families has broadend considerably because of it. 

I have since met other Saudi women and been invited to their homes, and accepted those invitations.  Meeting new Saudi friends is so easy, I'm amazed that there are expats who have been here for much longer than me and have yet to experience visiting Saudi homes.

And I visit AA's wife, my new found friend, nearly every week - her English is racing ahead.   My Arabic?  What is one level up from dismal???